Much Better Ways to Spend $43,000

Ten things Scott Pruitt could do instead of feeding his fevered paranoiac delusions that the Deep State is bugging his phone, in ascending order of likelihood:

1.  Pay the average starting salary for any teacher in America for a year or more.

2.  Send a kid to an in-state public college for four years and throw in books and supplies.

3.  Hire a program assistant at a worthy nonprofit.

4.  Pay the annual water bill for 50 residents of Flint, Michigan.

5.  Purchase a rare, inscribed edition of Darwin’s On the Origin of Species.

6.  Pay actual market value for a one-bedroom apartment near the Capitol for just under 2 years.

7.  Treat himself to a new face every year for 4 years.

8.  Treat each one of the 248 Republicans in Congress to the Grande Plateau at Le Diplomate.

9.  Take his two favorite staffers on a two-week luxury cruise to the Cayman Islands to do a little banking sunbathing.

10.  Buy a new burner phone with $1000 of prepaid data every goddamned month for 3.5 years.

 

Author: Beth Daniels

DC writer | Old movies. Old Washington. Any old thing.

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